


It's good for you, even though it hurts

by thatsafunnytricktoplayongod



Series: Leaving [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:34:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27734650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatsafunnytricktoplayongod/pseuds/thatsafunnytricktoplayongod
Summary: After Padme's surprise pregnancy, Anakin has found the courage to leave the Jedi Order.
Relationships: Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, anidala - Relationship
Series: Leaving [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2028751
Comments: 1
Kudos: 39





	It's good for you, even though it hurts

Anakin walked out of the High Council Chambers and leaned against the wall in between a pair of stone pillars. His knees felt like they were the consistency of the energy bars they had to ration on some long missions. He wanted to keep moving, to go meet Padmé like they’d planned, but all of the nervous energy that had been bubbling inside him before the meeting had now drained out of him, and he was exhausted.

The door beside him slid open, and cloaked figures started pouring out. Anakin swore silently, and tried to flatten himself against the wall. He was mostly hidden behind the stone pillar, but there was no way he wanted to talk to anyone who had been in that room.

He watched the crowd dissipate with wary eyes, and just as the hallway seemed to be clear, a small figure stepped out, accompanied as always by Master Windu. Anakin’s palms started sweating as Master Yoda and his companion made their way over to his hiding space. They stopped directly in front of him, Windu refusing to face Anakin.

“Skywalker.” the small green Jedi said.

“Master Yoda.” Anakin replied. He struggled to keep his voice even.

“Disappointed, I find myself.” Yoda sighed. “A great loss, this is.”

“Well.” Anakin took in a deep breath. “I think I said everything I wanted to in there. I don’t need to explain myself any further.”

“No, very clear you were.” the Jedi took a step towards Anakin, and peered up directly into his face. “Good luck, young Skywalker. Need it, you will.”

“Thank you,” Anakin muttered. Yoda stepped away, and moved up the hallway.

Before he followed, Windu looked at Anakin with contempt.

“You had a real opportunity to do some good for the galaxy, Skywalker.” He spat out the name. “The Council will not forget this. When the droids show up at your doorstep, don’t look to us for help.” Anakin looked to Yoda for help, but the tiny Master wouldn’t make eye contact. With one last withering look, Windu turned and joined Yoda, and the two walked down the hallway without a backwards glance.

Anakin let out a deep sigh. That wasn’t even the worst conversation he would be having today. He turned around and smacked into Obi-Wan.

“Fuck!” They both shouted. Anakin smiled grimly as he rubbed his forehead. Time for the worst conversation.

“Sorry, Master, I didn’t see you,” he said. Obi-Wan rolled his eyes.

“Yes, well, I suppose I shouldn’t have snuck up on you.” He didn’t say anything for a minute, just stared at his hands that were clasped in front of him. Anakin didn’t say anything either- it was just easier.

“Anakin, I’m struggling to see where this all came from.” Anakin looked up, but Obi-Wan was still staring at his hands. “I just feel like this came out of nowhere.”

“Did it? Though?” Anakin swallowed. “Master. Obi-Wan.” At this, Obi-Wan finally looked up to meet his gaze. “I didn’t grow up with the Jedi, you know that. I saw first hand the effects this ‘democracy’ and this war has had on real people. Real lives. My own life”

“But you would still be living in that life if we hadn’t found you, if Qui-Gon-” Obi-Wan stopped. He looked stricken, but Anakin couldn't tell if it was the mention of his long-dead master or if it was just the general mood of the conversation. Obi-Wan didn’t appear to have anything else to say, so Anakin took another deep breath.

“I’m not saying my life would have been better without the Jedi. I would have died on Tatooine, I know that. And I wouldn’t have met you, I wouldn’t have met Ashoka, or Pa-” he stopped, redirected. “I look up to you like a brother, I hope you know that. I need you to know that.”

“Oh, Anakin.” Obi-Wan managed a weary smile, and a rush of relief flooded through Anakin.

“But I can’t just focus on the good, not when I see the bad everywhere I turn.” Anakin gulped. “Obi-Wan, I genuinely believe that the Jedi, as an institution, does more harm than good. Any planet we recruit for the war effort, you can’t say we made their lives better. You can’t say-”

Obi-Wan held up a hand. 

“Anakin…” he paused. “As much as it pains me, I respect your decision to leave. And you must respect my decision to stay.”

“Okay,” Anakin whispered, nodding. “Okay.” He went to move away when Obi-Wan suddenly wrapped his arms around him, and squeezed tight. Anakin closed his eyes and returned the gesture.

“Have you told Ashoka yet?” Obi-Wan said when he released Anakin.

“No, ah, she’s currently on a mission. Truthfully, I can’t decide if I should do it in person or not.” He laughed grimly. “At least she wouldn’t be able to strangle me over a hologram.”

Obi-Wan laughed loudly, and clapped him on the back. 

“Well, I’m sure you’ll figure it out. Good luck, Anakin.”

“Thank you, Master.”

The two exchanged one last look, before Anakin turned away and began walking up the hallway leading to the exit.

“Oh, and Anakin?” Obi-Wan called after him. Anakin turned. “Say hello to Padmé for me. I wish the both of you the best.”

“Thank you,” Anakin whispered. He turned again, ignoring the tears building in his eyes and began walking again. Towards home.

**Author's Note:**

> CW RELIGIOUS TRAUMA I realised about halfway through writing this that most of the stuff I have been writing about star wars, both published and unpublished, is really just about my own unresolved religious trauma. i started this fic in june of 2020, and finished it in november of the same year. in that time, i moved out, came out, officially left the catholic church, and like i dont know. had about three more identity crises and became a certified couch potato. im in a much different place than i was in june. i was miserable and anxious all the time and it felt like i couldn't breath most days. going to church was hell, especially because it was during a FUCKING PANDEMIC. it's still a fucking pandemic and im still anxious a lot but I Am Getting Better. and most importantly i have carved out a space for myself to just breathe. 
> 
> i dont know if the end of this piece was a happy ending. i don;t know. i think it will eventually be happy, i think he will eventually be happy. but (ignoring the fact that the jedi are basically war criminals at this point klsjdklfj) you (i) have to remember that recovery isn't linear. just because you leave a toxic situation doesn't mean your life is going to instantly become better, BUT. BUT BUT BUT. it will become a little easier to breathe.


End file.
